I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
