Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize