Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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