You're my little dorito
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Randomize
