You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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