just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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