In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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