spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
