i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
And then my night got REAL pukey
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
