dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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