wakey wakey hands off snakey
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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