Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
