Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
