Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
