if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize