I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
