she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
