I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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