I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
