Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
