he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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