i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
