Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
