i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
