When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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