In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
