Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
