I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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