i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
it's like iHOP with fire
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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