I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
