NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
