i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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