Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
