so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
