well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize