Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Houston, we have a blender
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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