Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
