Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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