I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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