she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
