We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
