Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize