I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize