I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Randomize
