He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
