I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
