how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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