We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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