there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
