I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
