they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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