If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
