my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
