He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
