So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Randomize
