Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
