You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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