sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
