He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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