was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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