I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
