Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
