Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
