I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
