please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
