i used baking grease as lip gloss
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
