My sheets look like a crime scene.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
