i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
