If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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